Hi,
So the day is coming, when school comes back in session and my free time flies away never to be found again until the next summer when I will undoubtedly waste it again. It always has to be the last second when people wake advantage of their time isn't it? Some people are ambitious but like others I sit in a vegetable-like state of boredom until 1 week before it's all over. It seems like the adrenaline from it all coming to an end motivates us to do things.
Anyways tomorrow isn't the real back to school, but it might as well be. Nay, tomorrow is Grade 9 orientation day where new grade nines and their parents get lost at the school while picking up their schedules, SAC's, SPC's, and yearbooks that are basically useless when you're super popular you'll only see yourself once in your standard photo that everyone has. I was lucky enough to be in the background of one shot in my grade nine yearbook. So I'm hoping for more than one this year although I'm not like those people who count every single shot they're in (I blame Lizzie McGuire for that, sometimes I wonder why I was a fan).
So it's tomorrow, as I said. I'm not too stressed about it, it's just that first impressions are important and if school is an award show than this is my red carpet debut for the year. It's not like people will look at me though, because I'm not a big celebrity on the red carpet, I'm more like that supporting actor/ess who has a lot of talent but this is their first big movie so no one really cares.
Most of the people in my high school are in the category of what I like to call the "I-know-who-they-are-but-they-don't-even-know-I-exist". Even if I've been in a lot of my classes they still won't remember my name so I'd walk up and say hi and they'd look at me thinking who is this person and then it'd be really awkward and I'd end up saying an awkward goodbye, they'd nod and go back to forgetting I exist. So this may not seem important, but if you're trying to get people to see through your past embarrassing moments and invisibility this is crucial.
So I have to plan, maybe I over think things too much but I like having a plan so that I have a solid idea of how things will go. It's like I need a storyboard for every moment of my life. Even if my ideas don't end up being anywhere close to how things actually go. I literally plan everything with strategy and tactics prepared, it's not normal I know but it's how I work. Yet somehow I can't plan stories as well.
Okay you're probably thinking I just want people to like me for the sake of popularity and that's not it. It's just that like every other teenage heroine that are super cool and geeky and should be more popular than they are nobody knows I even exist or let alone anything about me.
Honestly, we did this thing in Geography at the end of last year where we got a paper with everyone's name on it, and we were supposed to write a positive comment about them. Why we did this in English during a French Geography class I'll never know. So I thought about each person and wrote something creative for each one, there was one girl I completely despised (and it's reciprocal, trust me) and I wrote that her last name made me think of chocolate (note: the person's last name was a funny spelling for cocoa). And I'm a good enough person, not particularly articulate when all the attention is on me or talkative for that matter but I'm nice. Well I guess everyone else thought so too because most of the comments from my classmates were "You are nice." some varying with added adjectives or punctuation granted. It was like the only people who write something creative were my close friends. One good comment was someone liked my obsessive love for Harry Potter, that was gold compared to all the ones saying how nice I am. Or the ones that bugged me more were the ones who said I'm funny, they came from people who I hardly even speak to let alone joke.
If I ever got my works published and became famous I'm sure they'd look at my name and maybe remember that I went to high school with them, if they did they'd probably remember that I'm nice too, maybe. I'd like to break out of my shyness bubble, it's not like I'm shy around my friends or the internet. I think I'm more outgoing on the internet than in real life, in a way that's kind of sad really.
I now speak directly to you, my readers, if there are any. You can look back at my previous posts and see how lame they are and probably laugh and I wouldn't blame you. I'd probably join you, I guess you can say I matured a little from then and now. I've been doing this for 2 years now (I'm not too accurate) and I've changed a lot through that time. It seems like now my posts have meaning, and could somehow be philosophical or maybe be like one of those bloggers who gets discovered and gets their blog published. If that ever happened I think I'd flip.
I've been thinking about making a new blog, taking on a new project for the year, sort of like in that movie "Julie and Julia". Wouldn't that be cool? If I found an idea than I totally would but sadly right now I'm stumped. So for now you'll have to live with my lovely opinions for the time being. I'm trying to get better at actually posting for you, whoever you are. Apparently I had big fans in the U.S. according to the stats, and in Europe so hello people wherever you are. I guess most of you have probably not bothered with me anymore and I understand. I'm back now and I'm trying to do this so I can say that I'm writing everyday. That's what I wanted to do with my life so I might as well start now.
Along with my writing for Wizarding Life I have recently applied for Mugglenet (another fan site), not too sure what I'd do or if I'll get it. I applied out of post rejection depression from the library. So I just want to feel like someone wants me to work. Also opinions needed: If I don't like my old posts should I delete them? Or are they a part of my blogging history? Or just ditch this blog altogether and start another one? If you want to answer (I'd be pretty happy if you did) feel free to comment. That or email me, or tweet at me, I don't really know.
Later
Jasmine
